If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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