Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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