It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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