So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
