NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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