every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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