remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And then he peed in my hair
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