dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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