can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
