There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
