just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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