No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
