so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
