Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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