When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
