last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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