My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you had me at cake vodka
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
