i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize