My liver just broke up with me...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
