Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I would fuck him just for his dog
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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