the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
