Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
