im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
