i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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