The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
