And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
