I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
COCAINE IS GR8
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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