my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize