im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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