the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
