we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
