I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
