put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
