were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize