i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize