DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
