He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
