The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
