My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize