I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
