In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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