You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
