Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
