i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
