i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
