it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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