i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize