Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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