I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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