Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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