Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
