Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
