I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
