i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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