all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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