No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
