I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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