I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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