I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
