WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
