I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My friends, they love my intelligence
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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