I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When did angry sex become our thing?
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