how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
