my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
