I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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