i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
