I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
