Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
