i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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