she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
