I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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