so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize