things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
